Northern Lights
by Lex Q. Coverdale
Summary: One's an unusually friendly ex-agent of a secret A.I. program, best known for its ethical violations; the other is a Casanova wannabe who happens to be good with a sword. Both are unlikely allies, unlikely parents, and have no one else to rely on but each other. Their mission? Keep themselves sane and take their kids to see the Northern Lights. -*RvB/Halo AU Oneshot Series*-
1. I

**- Northern Lights: I -**

* * *

_Halo (c) Microsoft, Bungie and associated creators. Red vs. Blue (c) Rooster Teeth. Content includes mentions of mature themes._

* * *

"You know, there's no shame in being a virgin."

"What?"

"I mean, it's not always that you score, and I've been turned down _plenty _of times. Still dude, it's kind of lame that you haven't gotten laid yet; you're getting up in there years, dude. Don't wanna have the kid ask when he gets older, and you can't give him any advice!"

North Dakota, former agent of a secret A.I. wielding strike force and now AWOL turncoat, sighed in annoyance. It was the fifth time that morning that his partner, Lavernius Tucker, had brought up the subject of North's love life. So far, criticism had been levied at North's "lack of male needs", the fact he couldn't remember his last meaningful relationship, and that he wouldn't give his real name to any girl who asked. North had declined to comment on Tucker's question about him "remembering his own name", considering that certain events ensured he _didn't_. Besides, North already had a kid, and the last thing he needed was some random woman coming up and telling him he had a bastard. In his service days, enough men had been responsible for a future father-hating military, driving themselves deeper into the holes their dysfunctional brains had dug them.

"Hey, are you even listening to me? Hey! HEY!"

"Will you _be quiet_?" snapped North, his voice icy cool as he peered through his rifle scope. "I'm trying to scout here, see if I can see anything out there."

"Dude, we've checked a million times already!" said Tucker with a disbelieving laugh. "There's nothing out there but _sand_! Pretty soon it's going to be the only thing left for us to eat, if we're not already!"

"Which is why I'm trying to find us a way out of here," said North. Their Pelican had been sinking into the sand over the course of eight days, grounded by a malfunction in the circuits. She was a beat-up old girl, having a long service in the Great War and eventually retired to a salvage heap. It had been a miracle that North (and only North) had been able to hotwire it, bypassing a shit-ton of failsafes and broken command lines. Tucker just _had _to insist that they make it to New Oasis for the Mardi Gras festival, manipulating North with the thought their children would run out of food if they didn't resupply ... And then he had gone and ripped open a panel full of snack foods he was "saving for an emergency"! That bastard could have gotten them all _killed_, little Junior and Theta included!

"Seriously though, not even a one-nighter? A drunken bender that ended in some chick's bed?"

"If it did, I most likely blocked it out, since it would have ended with my sister ratting me out, and my Dad ensuring I was neutered like the dog."

"You have a sister? Is she hot?"

At that moment, North's head turned around so suddenly that it was like a whip cracking. His steely gaze burned like a brand into Tucker's, the aqua-wearing ex-soldier flinching backwards. If there was one thing the pair could agree on, it was protectiveness towards their loved ones; North's sister was no exception. Which was odd, all things considered, as he hardly talked about South and seemed bitter about the subject. _Maybe she's an utter bitch?_

North, satisfied at Tucker's silence and the fear on his face, smirked ever-so-slightly. He turned back to surveying the vast desert before him, its only features sandstore arches, cliffs and plateaus of no value. It was near-unbelievable how desolate the place was, and unbelievable that the UNSC had a base there. Key word, of course, being _had_. Some sort of issue had come up - a lack of funding, a change in strategy, too much notable dissent among the men - and the place had been closed down a long while back. Though the equipment removed and all supplies long gone, it still had some standing structures; an underground bunker was among them. Through special design and the fact it was out of the sun's way, it was much, _much _cooler to stay in than the other cover provided. That was where Junior and Theta were now, most likely colouring or playing with a tennis ball Tucker had for them. _At least he got rid of the magazines._

Thus, another typical day ensued: full of silence, the odd bickering and wondering what the hell to do next.


	2. II

**- Northern Lights: II -**

* * *

_Halo (c) Microsoft, Bungie and associated creators. Red vs. Blue (c) Rooster Teeth. Content includes mentions of mature themes._

* * *

"Do you ever wonder why we're here?"

_"Blarg-arg-honk?"_

"I mean, when you really think about it, do you wonder why we're here? What we're supposed to be doing?"

_"Honk honk blarg."_

"I know we're playing, and I know it's because your Dad crashed the ship."

_"Blarg!"_

"Um...went the wrong way, sorry."

_"Blaaarg ... "_

"But seriously though, do you ever wonder about God? Our purpose in the great scheme of things? If space really is endless and sometimes, we're just a little bit closer to the end, and there's something like Heaven on the other side?"

Silence.

"Guess not."

While North was "conversing" with Tucker over the "issue" of his love life, those in the bunker were more civil. A young boy with violet eyes was busy colouring, the much darker, crayon version of his eye colour filling in his father's armour. He was on his belly, holding up his crossed legs behind him, humming a nameless diddy as he worked. He resembled North greatly, sharing the same skin tone, a more petite version of North's build, and hair only a tad more wheaten than the ex-agent's. Across from him, a strange, humanoid creature with goat-like legs crouched, watching the boy work with beady eyes. His skin was covered by a protective, reflective shell, similar in colour to Tucker's armour. A squid-like mouth breathed heavily, four mandibles lined with sharp teeth dangling off the sides.

Considering the intergalactic war that had just passed, most people would cower in terror of Junior Tucker. Condescendingly called "squid-faces", more properly known as "Sangheili", the desert-born alien's people had ripped humanity to shreds. They had led charges of other strange, distant races against mankind, turning entire planets to glass and filling cities with fire and bullets. Yet Junior, save his more stubborn and bullying tendencies, was as gentle as a kitten; he and the boy were best friends. It helped that the boy had a weird name too.

_"Blarg, honka blarg?"_

"Can you not call me 'Fay' please?" said the boy, reaching for a green crayon. His father's armour was surprisingly complex, even in a simple drawing like his; so many bits and pieces needed different colours. The green highlights were one of them, and the boy wished he had something closer the real colour — a lightish lime. "That's a girl's name. Just call me Theta, okay?"

"_Blaaaaaarg_," groaned Junior, giving a dejected look. _"Blarg blarg honky blarg!"_

"Your name is not funny," said Theta. "Junior is a cool name. It's like the name of a band singer!"

_"Blarg!"_

"Hey, you know you're not allowed to call someone 'gay' unless you're talking to a gay guy! Dad said so!"

_"Honk honk blarg!"_

"Well your Dad listens to my Dad, so screw you! He said so!"

Junior pulled his head back with a gurgling growl, his mandibles clicking together as he did. He was about to let out a retort when one of two doors opened; a loud _screeeeech_ and a _**clang** _gave way to streaming sunlight. The silhouetted figure of Tucker's shoulders and head popped in, aqua armour glinting in the light behind him.

"You all right down here, guys!" Tucker called out.

"Yeah, we're okay!" called out Theta.

"_Blarg honk_!" yelled Junior.

"'Kay little dudes, I'll be back in a while with some ... stuff!" said Tucker. "Me and North are going to go out hunting!"

"Can we come?" asked Theta excitedly, sitting up as Junior sprang to his feet. Sangheili, apparently, were carnivorous, Theta having heard stories of Junior surviving on his father's own blood. Granted, that was in times of desperation, and the bite wounds were prone to infection, but the hungry gleam Junior's eyes had was a testament to his war-like nature. Sadly, Tucker didn't agree with the pair's eagerness.

"Sorry, too dangerous for kids!" said Tucker. "Grown-ups only! Play cards or something, we'll be back soon!"

"Awwwww, but - "

_**CLANG!**_

And that was the end of that. Mr. Tucker had a habit of cutting off others when he didn't want to keep talking; even when Junior wanted his attention, Tucker was quick to shove him away. Theta had assured Junior it was nothing that Junior was responsible for, and that Tucker, like North, was just busy. After all, who knew what could be lurking in the sands around the base? A giant, ugly worm that ate people by bursting up beneath them could be tunnelling around that very moment!

_"Honk honk blarg," _said Junior dejectedly, his entire body now drooping. Theta pushed himself off the ground, coming around to give Junior a hug.

"It's okay, Junior," said Theta. "They'll be back soon. They said so."

_"Honk."_


	3. III

**- Northern Lights: III -**

* * *

_Halo (c) Microsoft, Bungie and associated creators. Red vs. Blue (c) Rooster Teeth. Content includes mentions of mature themes._

* * *

"You know, I don't see why you should be a virgin."

"What?"

"I mean, that kid had to come from somewhere, right?"

North gritted his teeth at the subject, or perhaps because his visor was clouded with sand again. Ten minutes after the pair had departed from camp, the wind began to pick up, flinging wave after wave of yellow grit. His cooling systems kept him from feeling the searing heat, but he was still feeling warm from having to turn them down before. With their ship's electrical systems fried, their charging units were dead, and they had to conserve power or risk a full-suit lockdown. Said power conservation included nixing certain creature comforts, or at least turning them down.

"Hey! I'm talking to you!" snapped Tucker, himself becoming annoyed at North's lack of response. "Seriously, what is _up_ with you? Loosen up a little, enjoy life some more!"

"A bit difficult to do considering our current situation," quipped North. "For your information, Theta is adopted. I ... found him."

"With a note on your doorstep?" said Tucker with a snort. North chose not to answer that, instead turning around and giving Tucker another look. The younger man sighed in defeat.

"Fine, fine ... just don't blame me if I jump to conclusions."

"You won't," said North, "if you want to keep having Junior fed."

It was Tucker's turn to stiffen, voice lowering to a growl. "Don't you threaten my kid, North," he said, the grip on his gun tightening. "You know he can't help being what he is."

"Then you'll help yourselves by keeping quiet," said North. "This discussion was over back at camp. I'm not bringing it up again. Last warning, Tuck, or you and the little freak are out of here."

Tucker said nothing, only given a disgruntled nod. He and North continued to soldier on through the oncoming sandstorm, trudging near-aimlessly through ankle-deep dunes. It was only when a shadow registered on North's scanners did he stop, holding up a hand for Tucker to do the same. Both dropped to the ground, activating camo units to blend in. Their shapes became near-perfect replicas of the sky and ground beneath them; North silently thanked that Tucker had been willing to trade his "magazines" at the last stop. They had been the metaphorical "necessary penny", as old and outdated as that phrase was, in order to barter for the units.

"What have you got?" Tucker whispered through his radio.

"Not sure," said North, "but it looks humanoid."

"Who on Earth would be out _here_? It's in the middle of freaking nowhere!"

"Someone who may have found something, that's who. You have your sword?"

"Always do, dude."

"Then get it ready, on my mark."

Tucker's hand reached around for the handle of his blade - a Covenant plasma weapon looted from a battlefield. Said weapon was considered contraband and illegal weaponry, punishable by numerous fines and posssible lifetime imprisonment; Tucker counted it as his good luck charm. More than one foe had been quickly dispatched by it, though its recharge time could be a pain to deal with. He looked left and then right, seeing if his visors could pick up whatever North's were.

"Fuck."

That one curse word suddenly had Tucker worried. "What is it?"

"Disappeared right off the sensors, like it never even was there," growled North. "If there's a cloaker in use, it's likely we have someone who's experienced in dealing with our tech."

"UNSC?"

"Or a mercenary, maybe - "

The pair were cut off by the sounding of a rapidly speeding-up beeping. North swore again, yelling, "RUN!" as he jumped to his feet. Tucker did so as well, but the two didn't move fast enough; moments later, the ground erupted from beneath them. Bits of shrapnel slammed into their armour, a bright light and smoke obscuring their vision as their scanners went wild. The visuals on their visors were filled with static, and both toppled down the dunes like sacks of potatoes. Desert poured down on them, buried beneath an avalanche of unrelenting sand.

* * *

_lorem ipsum - discidium - lorem ipsum_

* * *

Junior was the first to tilt his head up, his mandibles clicking curiously. Theta was the next, his eyes following the alien's. Though it was a muffled thud to the former, the latter heard only a faint tap, as if someone was on top of the bunker. That couldn't be right; the bunker was buried underneath layers of sand and earth. To reach the actual metal structure, one would have to dig with a high-powered drill machine, or something of that nature - Theta's young mind didn't get technical. He was only nine years old, after all.

"Dad?" Theta called out, followed by a honk from Junior. The tapping/thudding ceased, and three long minutes passed. Both children were ready to dismiss the noise, but the door to the bunker clanged, hissing open so suddenly that both boys jumped. Junior made what sounded like a gargled snarl, Theta holding his hand up for his friend to calm down.

"Dad!" cried Theta. "Dad, you're back!"

The sunlight from outside glinted white off the man's armor. His entire helmet was now a visor, glinting orange and as round as a pumpkin. Slowly looking left and right, Theta could hear a long, low _snarl_ coming from the figure, and almost reptillian hiss. Junior took a step back, making an uneasy noise in return.

" ... Dad?"


	4. IV

**- Northern Lights: IV -**

* * *

_Halo (c) Microsoft, Bungie and associated creators. Red vs. Blue (c) Rooster Teeth. Content includes mentions of mature themes._

* * *

**_"HONK HONK BLAAARGHHHARRRR!"_**

Bullets ricocheted around the room. Theta screamed as blood flew, warm and rank and sticky. Unable to see what colour it was in the darkened chaos, he cowered as he fell back on the pictures he'd been drawing, covering his head and whimpering. Junior was snarling like an animal, tearing into the silver-clad intruder like an angry cat. His needle-like teeth left marks on the thick, unarmoured sections of the suit - his claws were as if they were raking across a chalkboard. All the while, there was grunting and hissing from the figure, furiously punching at the little alien.

* * *

_loren ipsum - discidium - loren ipsum_

* * *

There was nothing but silence upon the desert. The wind whistled eerily, not a soul stirring, save for a tiny and alien lizard. Three-eyed, sand-coloured and speckled with turquoise, it scurried over a dune, slipping and sliding on a wave of grit. With its nictating membrane furiously working, the creature flicked its tongue, its way of scenting the air for anything delicious. Perching precariously upon a shifting patch, it dug its tiny nails into the sand.

A purple fist punched through the sand, followed by a muted coughing; the lizard screamed and bolted. As if from the grave, North emerged, the dune falling like water from him as the ground parted. Wincing, his sensors flickering back to online status, he clutched at a sparking patch on his side. His sensors beeped, indicating that his shields were low, the wiring in his suit frazzled by the explosion. His first instinct was to reroute all non-essential power to the shields to keep them full; he then realized that would cut out his comms. Swearing, he looked around, giving a couple last coughs.

"TUCKER!" the man yelled over his radio. "Tuck, come in! Do you read?!"

Static-filled silence and dusty winds were all that North heard. Several seconds later, the quiet as tense as a taut cable, a sputtering cough came over the radio.

"Here..." gasped Tucker, hacking wetly. "I ... I can't see a damn thing ... I think I'm too deep in the sand ... "

"Your suit has fifteen minutes of air, hold on!" barked North. "I'm pinpointing your location now!"

The flickering beeps on North's radar barely showed him where Tucker was. The signal was distorted, moving hither and thither on a jagged screen. With most functions randomly shutting down and powering up, all North could tell was that Tucker was in a ten-foot radius below him. How deep he was and his condition, however, were vague; North estimated there was at least six feet of sand.

Kneeling, the ex-Freelancer began furiously shoveling the collapsed dune, more grit flying into his visor as he tunnelled.

* * *

_loren ipsum - discidium - loren ipsum_

* * *

Junior barely remembered what went on. As soon as the monster in white pointed a gun at Theta, he had lunged, snarling like the animal most thought he was. He went straight for the throat, all his instincts telling him to tear as deep as he could into the jugular; Theta cowered behind him. Honks and blargs of all pitches and varieties - some recognizable, some distorted, some downright nightmarish - echoed in the bunker as Junior attacked.

Then, just as soon as it had started, Junior was on the floor. Flailing and snapping his mandibles, a rattling hiss rasping from his throat, he could barely breathe with the monster's foot on his chest. There was the reloading of a gun, and Theta screamed something incoherent. Junior dug his claws into the armour on his target's leg, the shields fizzing into existence as golden, cloud-like lines. Theta had lunged at the white figure, only for a massive hand to grab him by his hair. With his friend's blond tufts sprouting between iron-strong fingers, the Sangheili child gasped a honk; he desperately snapped at the brute above him.

As Theta was hefted into the air by his scalp, the alien gurgled as four gunshots sounded. One tore off a mandible on his lower lip; the rest sliced through his upper torso like knives. Junior was left to instinctively curl up, only to be kicked hard against the wall by an equally hard foot. Something felt like it _caved_ beneath the blow, the creature clawing at his side as Theta was dragged from the bunker. "_Honk ... honkblarg ... _" grunted Junior, trying to roll on his belly with a grasping claw.

Then the door to the bunker was shut, and he was left, all alone. His friend's muffled cries were still audible behind the entryway - a desperate pleading for his father, and indignant, teary curses at whoever had taken him. The alien let out a despairing hiss.

* * *

_loren ipsum - discidium - loren ipsum_

* * *

_Father always liked cyan. It reminded him of the sky, and his mother's eyes, and his daughter's eyes. It was the colour of her dress when she went to church, and at her tenth birthday, there had been nothing but cyan balloons. The pool out in the garden had always been cyan, crisp and clear and fresh as sweetened tea. Her Mother's tea had especially been fresh - strong as steel, but like a swimming pool for her mouth. Father had always enjoyed showing off with the diving board._

She could see the white-clad figure coming over the hill. Her breathing was sharp, a quiet gasp let out after holding it for so long. Her active camo cloaked her like a shroud, one with the wall and the wall one with she. She raised her pistol, flinching a little at the boy's sobbing. The white-clad figure's fingers were clenched so hard, they were leaving bruises on the child's skin. _Like him._

Slowly, her hand went for the pistol at her side. The child let out a loud, wheezing sob, face red and soaked with tears, only to be backhanded by the figure. His jaw turned black and blue almost immediately.


End file.
